Anger is a completely normal reaction to grief. It’s one of the most common reactions of all. You could be facing family, financial or domestic responsibilities which you are struggling to cope with. Perhaps you feel angry with someone that you hold responsible in some way for the death, or you might even feel angry with the person who has died for leaving you. These are all very normal responses to losing control of what’s happening to you and to feeling powerless and abandoned.
Feeling anxious after someone dies is very common. You might feel panicky, breathless or experience palpitations. A full blown panic attack can be a very frightening experience if you’ve never had one before and even if you have, they are still very unpleasant. You might feel dizzy or confused, faint or even vomit. This is not uncommon but if these effects persist, look for advice from your doctor.
Everyone reacts to loss differently. Some people cry very frequently and find themselves overwhelmed by the strength of their emotions. Others feel numb, or simply unable to cry. Many people swing from one extreme to the other. All of these reactions are common. There are so many things that can affect people’s responses, including personality, upbringing and culture.
If you are finding it difficult to deal with your emotions or are worried that you are unable to feel things after some time has passed, it may be time to look for some support.
Just when you think you should be feeling better, you may actually feel as if you are falling apart. In the early days following a bereavement, family and friends are often around, but, in time, they will need to return to their normal routines and you will be left with your grief. The reality of the death can really hit home as your support network begins to recede, leaving physical and emotional loneliness that can be hard to bear. If you find yourself struggling with your emotions or are having difficulty coping with life, then it may well be time to look for help and support.
It’s very common not to want to eat following a death, especially in the early days. It can even feel impossible to swallow and food might taste strange. It’s also common for some people’s appetite to increase, or to find themselves eating without even thinking about it. Upset stomachs are very common. That butterflies in your belly feeling, similar to being constantly stressed and anxious, is a physical effect of grief. Although this is quite normal, it’s best to consult your doctor if symptoms persist, or if you find you are loosing or gaining a lot of weight.
This is a very common reaction, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected, or was traumatic in nature. It is the mind’s way of handling with what has happened. However, if you experience disturbing mental images, then you should definitely see a doctor as soon as you are able.
It is surprisingly common to think you’ve seen a person who has died, or to hear their voice, feel their presence, or, most common of all, to find yourself talking to them. It can happen when you least expect it too. It’s because the mind has temporarily ‘forgotten’ that they died, or the brain is finding it difficult to process the death and acknowledge the finality of it.
Grief affects your whole system. It affects your body just as much as it affects your mind. You may experience aches and pains, sleep problems and digestive issues. It has been well documented that bereavement affects the autoimmune system and reduces the ability to fight off minor infections. These normal reactions to distress and loss should pass in time. Consult your doctor, though, if the problems persist or you need some help managing them.
Shock and disbelief are the two most common, early reactions to bereavement. People often carry on as if nothing has happened. It is very hard to believe that someone important to you is not coming back. It can cause you to feel disoriented, without direction or purpose in life or like you are living in a different world altogether. This usually passes within a few days or weeks but if you are still not feeling anything after some time, or if you find the lack of feeling troubling, then look for support in your local area.
Sleep disruption is extremely common after someone dies, you may even find it impossible to get a full night’s sleep. Your mind may be constantly racing or you may be frightened to go to sleep as bad dreams and nightmares are common. Dreams where the person is still alive can be hard on you, and the moment of waking up and remembering each day may be very painful. There are some people who find they need to sleep more than they used to and yet struggle to stay awake in the day. If sleep problems go on for more than a week or so consult your doctor.